Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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