the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
