can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
