The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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