Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
