she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
