You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
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Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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