But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
