We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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