um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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