even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
