She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
