May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
