I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's blow job season.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
