This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
