Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Pants are for mortals
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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