im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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