Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
