you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
