3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
