when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
