i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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