toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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