marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
