So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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