You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
