I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
