If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
