So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
