Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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