The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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