Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
