Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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