i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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