I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
