YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Your dad touched me again.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
