If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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