Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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