Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So much rum. So many feels.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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