some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
