This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
