It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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