one two three fourrrrnication!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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