But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
