I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
