tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
