You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
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Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
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Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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