Can i not drive my cunt home
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
