Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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