Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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