the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
