Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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