New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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