he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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