I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
