Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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