its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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