I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize