remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
