What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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