I wannas sexs uuuuu
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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