That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
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Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
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Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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