its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
