I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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