I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
