is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
