Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
